The Invisible Prison: Recognizing Coercive Control and the Fight for Justice

For twenty-four years, I managed unimaginable relational harm without the language to accurately name it. Coercive control is a form of abuse that frequently goes unnoticed by the outside world because it does not leave visible physical scars. Instead, it is a calculated, ongoing pattern of behaviour used to dominate, manipulate, and isolate a person, almost always within intimate relationships.

This type of control has devastating, cumulative effects on survivors, fundamentally eroding their mental health, sense of self, and ability to live freely. Recognizing these subtle signs is crucial to understanding our experiences, supporting one another, and driving desperately needed changes in how society and our legal systems respond.

What Coercive Control Actually Means

Coercive control is a pattern of ongoing humiliation, intimidation, isolation, and exploitation that entraps a victim, and is recognized as a foundational element in 80% to 90% of domestic homicides. Canada now classifies it as a form of family violence in the Divorce Act and has taken significant steps toward comprehensive criminalization. [5]

Coercive control involves a deliberate environment of oppression that restricts a person’s freedom and autonomy. Unlike isolated incidents of physical violence, it is often a slow, invisible creep. It includes tactics such as constant surveillance, isolating the victim from friends and family, and tightly controlling finances. It relies heavily on manipulating emotions to create dependence.

One of the most insidious tactics is gaslighting, which makes the survivor constantly doubt their own reality and memory.[1] These behaviours are designed to wear down your confidence and independence over time, creating a suffocating reality where you feel completely trapped and powerless.

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The True Impact on Survivors

The effects of coercive control are profound and long-lasting. Survivors are frequently left battling severe anxiety, depression, and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[2] We experience a profound loss of self-esteem and identity, struggling to trust others and often withdrawing socially.

Because coercive control is psychological and emotional, many women struggle to explain what they are experiencing. We feel profoundly confused, and because the abuser is so skilled at shifting blame, we often blame ourselves. This internal conflict, born from years of conditioning, makes it incredibly difficult to seek help or leave the relationship.

Invisible Tactics of Emotional and Psychological Abuse

This abuse relies heavily on tactics that are completely invisible to outsiders but deeply damaging to the victim. Examples include:

• Gaslighting: Systematically making the survivor question their memory or perception of events.[1]

• Silent treatment: Withholding communication to punish, disorient, or force compliance.

• Threats and intimidation: Using fear to maintain absolute power without ever needing to raise a hand.

• Micromanaging: Dictating everyday choices, from what to wear to who you are permitted to see, and financial limitations.

• Undermining confidence: Constant, drip-feed criticism or belittling to erode your self-worth.

Because these tactics leave no physical marks, they are routinely dismissed or minimized by friends, family, and even trained professionals.

Challenges We Face in Identifying Our Reality

Many survivors do not immediately recognize coercive control as abuse. This fog happens because the abuse is gradual, normalized over years or decades. Society routinely minimizes emotional abuse, labelling it as a "bad marriage" rather than domestic violence.

Survivors carry immense shame or guilt, fearing retaliation or further isolation if we speak out. Furthermore, a severe lack of awareness about coercive control within community support services means that when we do try to explain our reality, we are often met with blank stares, delaying our access to help and increasing the harm we endure.

How Manipulation Evades Traditional Justice Systems

I know firsthand that our legal systems continually struggle to address coercive control. Family courts and traditional laws have historically focused entirely on physical violence or highly visible harm. Emotional and psychological abuse is notoriously difficult to "prove" in a courtroom, and survivors often lack the traditional "evidence" required by the system.[3]

Abusers frequently manipulate these exact legal processes to continue their

control post-separation, launching endless litigation and weaponizing the courts against the protective parent.[4] Because police and judicial professionals are rarely trained to recognize these covert patterns, many survivors do not receive the protection they need, leaving them vulnerable to ongoing systemic betrayal.

The Importance of Awareness and Advocacy

Raising awareness about the true nature of coercive control is essential to improving support for survivors and reforming legal responses. We must educate the public and professionals about these invisible signs.

We must also continue to push for systemic reform to ensure that law enforcement and judicial personnel are properly trained. Groundbreaking steps, such as the advancement of Bill C-16 to criminalize coercive control in Canada, demonstrate that change is possible when we raise our voices.[6] By increasing understanding and validating lived experiences, society can finally begin to protect individuals from this insidious, hidden form of violence.

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References

[1] Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851–875. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843

[2] Lohmann, S., Cowlishaw, S., Ney, L., O'Donnell, M., & Felmingham, K. (2024). The trauma and mental health impacts of coercive control: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 25(1), 630–647. https://doi.org/10.1177/15248380231162972

[3] Douglas, H., & Fitzgerald, R. (2021). The domestic violence protection order system as a site of coercive control. International Journal of Law, Crime and Justice, 66, 100457. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijlcj.2021.100457

[4] Fitch, L., & Easteal, P. (2022). Litigious abuse: The ongoing coercive control of victims of intimate partner violence. Journal of Family Violence, 37, 305–315. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10896-021-00277-2

[5] Jaffe, P. G., Bala, N., Medhekar, A., Scott, K. L., & Oliver, C. (2023). Coercive control as a form of family violence[Brochure]. Department of Justice Canada. https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/rp-pr/jr/rib-reb/mpafvc-capcvf/pdf/RSD_2023_MakingAppropriatebrochure-eng.pdf

[6] Parliament of Canada. (2024). Bill C-332: An Act to amend the Criminal Code (coercive control of intimate partner)(Passed Third Reading June 12, 2024). Government of Canada. https://www.parl.ca/legisinfo/en/bill/44-1/c-332